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THINKING OF NUMBER ONE

We invest a lot of time in our relationships. It all starts with that effortless feeling of love, infatuation or lust, but ultimately, relationships require effort. Once the honeymoon period is over, you’ll really start getting to know one another and that takes commitment. So when the whole thing falls apart a number of months or years down the road, how do you get back to where you were? It’s so important to remember that you were an individual before you met your former partner. And you will be an individual now that they’re gone. You just have to find the inner strength it takes to get back on track.

Breakups are hard. Everyone knows it and yet nobody is every prepared for how difficult a split with a partner can really be. We are often defined by our relationships. So how do we define ourselves when our other half is gone? Over the next three days, we’ll help you to remember exactly who you are on your own.

There’s no point in mincing our words here. Break-ups are hard. Nothing about them is easy – especially if you’ve been together for a long time. You can moan about it all you want, post images of yourself out without them on social media, and act like you’re over them. But when you’re on your own and there aren’t any distractions, that’s when your broken heart will beat for your lost love.

And, in his book, ‘How to Fix a Broken Heart’, Psychologist Guy Winch explains that going through a breakup activates the same parts of the brain that are activated when addicts go through withdrawal from cocaine or opioids. Love is an addiction and losing it is devastating.

It can be difficult if you’re the one who was dumped as you wallow in self pity while the other person is out living their life and enjoying themselves. This can have a detrimental effect on the person who has been dumped – especially if it happened suddenly.

But, says Winch, it’s important to remember that, while it may seem sudden to one person, the other person has probably been mulling over the decision for weeks – maybe even months. So, by the time the breakup happens, the other person could already be over it. And, what can leave you feeling most bewildered is the fact that your partner may have been so loving one week, but pulled the plug the next.

Now you’re left alone and trying to figure out exactly how you’ll get over it. The important thing to remember is that before you fell in love and before you were in this relationship, you were both individuals with separate lives and separate interests.

Now is the time to remember who you are as a person and to get back on track with your own life now that the relationship that you feel defined you is over. So let’s get you started.